I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
