My balls are so social today.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Boobs speak an international language.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
