rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
