It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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