i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
