Tell her she can't have a vagina
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
