So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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