She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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