I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
