we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
