Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
