When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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