I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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