Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
