you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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