i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
