1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
