Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
