had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
