dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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