It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
