they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
