I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
