thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
