his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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