Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
