Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's blow job season.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
