I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
