Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
