Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
