I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Randomize
