i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I need a beard to bite.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
