she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
