I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Randomize
