why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
