woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
