just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
