I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
