Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
