Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
