even my farts smell like vagina
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
