he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
