make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
