i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
