If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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