I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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