so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
