Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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