Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
