the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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