The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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