@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
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