I hate your face
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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