I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
