did you get engaged???
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
