They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
